hatethefuture: laid-off media scum: already struggling to have their baseless opinions heard When: 2010 What: The worst homeless demographic shift.  Ever. WTF: You probably aren’t too concerned about the death of newspapers.  ”Why should I care?” you wonder aloud in a room of like-minded twentysomethings enjoying a batch of vodka-Red Bull punch. “If I ever needed information, which I don’t, the Internet is just a pirated wireless signal away.”  Fair enough, you alcoholic mooch.  But it’s not the absence of the New York Post you need to be worried about: it’s the wave of homeless ex-journalists that will soon flood your streets like so much opinionated, suspenders-snapping trash. Why start practicing the phrase “no comment” right now: Journalists are a secretive, paranoid bunch that trust no one but each other.  Also, they don’t even trust each other.  And have you ever seen what they do when they detect potentially free food in a hundred-yard radius?  Good fucking Christ.  What I’m trying to say is, they’ll basically be superhobos, crazed on turpentine and able to effectively blackmail everyone in the neighborhood with all the extra time they have to do their “investigative reporting.”  They’ll slander the established and somewhat charming homeless characters with newsletters written on used Kleenex, and ambush you as an impenetrable press conference scrum whenever you leave your house, asking all sorts of uncomfortable questions.  Instead of hearing incoherent and occasionally amusing rants on the subway, you’ll be subjected to lectures on use of the passive voice.  Isn’t it worth it to keep these people above the poverty line?  Buy a goddamn Vanity Fair before you come face-to-face with their editors in a dark alley and are forced to debate the aesthetics of this season’s switchblades. Prediction: Larry Flynt becomes a highly successful beggar.          

hatethefuture:

laid-off media scum: already struggling to have their baseless opinions heard

When: 2010

What: The worst homeless demographic shift.  Ever.

WTF: You probably aren’t too concerned about the death of newspapers.  ”Why should I care?” you wonder aloud in a room of like-minded twentysomethings enjoying a batch of vodka-Red Bull punch. “If I ever needed information, which I don’t, the Internet is just a pirated wireless signal away.”  Fair enough, you alcoholic mooch.  But it’s not the absence of the New York Post you need to be worried about: it’s the wave of homeless ex-journalists that will soon flood your streets like so much opinionated, suspenders-snapping trash.

Why start practicing the phrase “no comment” right now: Journalists are a secretive, paranoid bunch that trust no one but each other.  Also, they don’t even trust each other.  And have you ever seen what they do when they detect potentially free food in a hundred-yard radius?  Good fucking Christ.  What I’m trying to say is, they’ll basically be superhobos, crazed on turpentine and able to effectively blackmail everyone in the neighborhood with all the extra time they have to do their “investigative reporting.”  They’ll slander the established and somewhat charming homeless characters with newsletters written on used Kleenex, and ambush you as an impenetrable press conference scrum whenever you leave your house, asking all sorts of uncomfortable questions.  Instead of hearing incoherent and occasionally amusing rants on the subway, you’ll be subjected to lectures on use of the passive voice.  Isn’t it worth it to keep these people above the poverty line?  Buy a goddamn Vanity Fair before you come face-to-face with their editors in a dark alley and are forced to debate the aesthetics of this season’s switchblades.

Prediction: Larry Flynt becomes a highly successful beggar.          

Source: hatethefuture

Recent comments

Blog comments powered by Disqus

8 Notes

  1. jhnbrssndn reblogged this from hatethefuture
  2. hatethefuture posted this